daily rant

I have been fine lately not having an issues.. I have came to terms with the fact I have cancer and what it has done to my apperance.. I know I am not a small person so I have even came to deal with what people think Of me.. and that I have no control over what is going on inside me right now..

Everyone that reads my blog has to know me so they know I am afraid of everything and everyone .. I look behind myself everywhere I go I jump at the littlest of noises.. So I have few friends "that I can put faces to and see outside" friends are like Dimonds ..You don't need all the fake one just One or two Real ones and ..the ones that have a flaw or two are the best..... I used to be an out going fun to be around person now ..If I have to leave the house it is to go to the Dr or the grocery store ..

Point of my rambling you wonder?....

I took a leap to get to know people to be "normal" I did something to take resonsibilty ..well slowly it is clear to me that everything isn't what it seems... and though I put on a happy face and seem to be happy and having a great time.. Inside I am hurting ..I am offended ....I don't understand and I am not trying to come across and childish....but I want to crawl in bed pull the covers over my head and cry until I have no tears left....

But I don't cry easily.. I don't yell... Much..I don't get anger I just let it grow in side with self doubt self loathing ...I blame me ...

I am well rounded I know the world doesn't revolve around me and I know that the world is a fast pace game either you get on and hold on tight of you fall through the cracks...So the child in me wants to say I don't want to play unless it is my way does life work that way no ... will I get over it? yes I am over it I just don't always get the why of things...

See already over it I sound like I am complaining again not really just venting

So what is on your hook?

I have vowed to make things for myself this year.. I am making Christmas stockings if I make two every month until christmas I will be fine


I am also making sleep pants for my kids .

I have tote bag I am making..


So what are you making ?

Don't forget about the Charity blitz I have Dishclothes and lapghans and mitten hats and toys squares I should be crocheting all the time and forget sleeping , but if I am crocheting no time for depression

Secret Swap

Well the swa is just about to start..It should be fun

we are having a leap year theme .. so all sorts of contest and activites ..

so we will have to stay tune ...

Is it ok to be jealous?

I am not a bad person no I don't think so .. So why is it when someone else gets something I want I turn into a two year old laying on the floor kicking my feet ranting no one loves me.. I have been struck hard by the little green monster.. I try not to let it get to me some people are just better than others. But what you they have I don't? Personality.. So I do not have a brown spot on my nose.. So I am not a college graduate or a high school one for that..

I have a brain and I think I am a good person ....I hope I come across as a good person.. I am creative.. I have a good head on my shoulder .. I can take responsiblilty and have follow through I have never caused anyone undo stress .. So what did I do ..


have you ever felt that some place was created for you as a pacfier something to make you feel like a good person yet you are nothing more than a place holder until you are either frustrated or depressed to the point why get out of bed at all?

Well I can't lay in bed wallowing in self pity trust me if I could I would I still get up do my daily jobs but I am starting to wonder if I should just take care of my kids crochet my heart out and forget the rest..

I reached out to the computer world because their are people out there to me I can talk to them with no fear I mean I am afraid to check my mail if a living breathing human is outside .. I attempt to talk to someone and I either turn read and can't speak then head for the restroom to fight with my own fears the rest of the day being ill or find a "excuse" not to have to met anyone..

So I find Jealousy are far thing from me but now I just feel depressed and forgotten and ashamed for feeling it ..

Ok I am done feeling sorry for myself I can rest easy knowing unless someone is really bored reading my blog they will just think I am in need of a nappy change and a nap thanks for listening and feel free to post a comment

wow I am so behind

So much has been happening I almost forgot that I have a loyal following of ONE. So what has happened to me lately .. I moved and into a house where no one is going to take my things .. everyone seems to be happy. I have been busy testing several Items You will have to check back to see what they are when I can post photos

But they are worth it... I actually got to set up a christmas tree so the kids could see a nice tree and I have not taken it down yet why you may ask .. Laziness is part of it and the other is it is a nice thing to see all the wonderful crocheted Items all over it.

Cluless is amazing

Yarn
6 skeins Leader blue yarn

1 can of cinnamon room mist...for my dog

5 skeins Sugar and Cream in a denim shade

4 skeins of blue/lavender yarn from UK Bengali

3 skeins LB wool, rose, autumn sunset



Yummy things

Gummy worms

Gummy savers

Sour Patch watermelon

Aussie licorice in apple flavor

Orange licorice ducks

Starbucks blend coffee (Latin house)

Fralinger's original salt-water taffy

Swiss Miss hot cocoa


Pattern books

Trend setting totes

100 crochet projects

Our best baby Afghans

These three filled with leaves

Cool ribbons everywhere


For when I have a bad day
...Blue fuzzy slipper my daughter's size

Alpaca madness coffee cup

Soap that looks like llama poop (but smells great)[IMG]Card for Savannah



(cat) telling me about herself.... Carol is awesome[IMG]


Stuffed duck that quacks Named lucky duckie to make sure the package arrived safely along with nameless kangaroo named Gray Kangaroo.(with information about the Grey Kangaroo)

Pictures of Blackie and Stripey, Yardley and Alpie, Halloween cats, and elf
Sticky letters she says she couldn't resit


2008 Koala calendar

stitch markers made by Vickietoria (purple)

everything rose occasion cards

treasure chest


Pumpkin potholder, butterfly bookmark, gold tinselly paper green paper

Pumpkin candle, rainbow straight pins, beads, stitch marker kit, bead wrapped, package

beadsButterfly dangly pendant,

Green beads, opera glass lentil shaped

Natural round shape blue shells

7mm cattle head light sapphire beads

Porcelain beads with cloisonné look- green


Miniature lamp work beads

Handmade fancy glass cane turquoise

Fancy glass beads- rose

Mixed green from The Dress It up Bead Company

Jumbo millefiore glass beads blue and green

Barrel mix print turquoise

Strand of blue moon color coordinates

Element beads accessories bone and horn

Special bead set 56 pieces

Blue moon bead art glass cheetah pattern

Bead heaven amethyst glass and wire beads

Bead and accessories fish and Poisson

Assorted pumpkins and gourds

Bouquet of mini roses

Seam ripper

Row counter



Spring loaded tape measure

Pair of natural bamboo round purse handles

Quilter’s glass head pins and long colored ball pins

Comfort grip crochet hook covers

Tapestry needles

Pompom maker

Silver yarn pendant

Heart shaped antique sheet covered pad

Bloom loom

Deck of playing cards - seashells

Stitch markers butterfly& sunflower[IMG]http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k2/coolhockeymom3/IMG_1458.jpg[/IMG]

2008-2009 planner

Knitted sweatshirt panel has a sheep on front



Accent ribbons, 2

2 pkgs butterflies for Savannah's dresses

Hooks

Hungarian Mahogany hook G+
G3 studio wood hook maple burl size I
Ozark twist hook, size H

Gingher scissors
KIDS THINGS
Café press sheep tote
Magnetic pocket frames

Quick-lite 10 1/2 knitting needles (Middle child)

3d mosaic mouse (oldest)


Purple pouch with bubble yum lip balm(middle)[IMG]Camo pouch with camo handkerchief

Purse with little flower buttons (red and rainbow color) with jellybelly cotton candy lip balm(youngest)

Highlighters (5)(middle Oldest) they needed them for school

Pen toppers(middle oldest)[IMG])

Leatherman now you're ready pocket knife(oldest)

Genuine hemp bracelet makers(middle)

Trinket necklace kit with lion on it(youngest

Kangaroo notepad (oldest)

Koala notepad(middle)

Aussie flag (Oldest)

Kitty notebook (youngest)

Ladybug notepad(youngest)

Upper deck hockey cards(middle)

Paperweight Saber - castell glass art (oldest)

Kids big book of games(Middle)

Money folding for kids(oldest)

Little books Fifi, Paws, Leon and Jinx (youngest)


From Alphonese and Curly- grow a pet (youngest)

Led flashlight(oldest)

Nemo invisible ink picture book and marker(youngest)

Pompom and Chenille dinosaur kits (2)(oldest,Middle)

Pencils(all three)

Seashell eraser(girls)

Bertie Botts beans (Mom I can't help it)

2 magic pencils(youngest)

Disney fairy pens (middle and youngest)

Eucalyptus for a koala (koala)

for the dog
Fortune snookies for the dog
Squirt bone for Katie


Pictures to come later

I am so behind going to ramble..

SO much has been going on I never seem to find the time to do what I need to like post to all the wonderful people who read my blog .... So thank you to the three of you who read what I write.


I have been crocheting a few different things and as soon as they get released I will have to post pictures so you will have to be patient a bit longer..

I have also been running circles with looking for a new house and trying to keep my kids on task with homeschooling this year.. I have to give credit to my older two they have really took charge and devoted their time in the right places on school this year which is great it leaves me time to get my youngest doing what she should be doing...

I finally got my mom's birthday gift all together so she should be happy.. I hope so at least.. ok onto my next post that will be devoted to the Ville and to pumpkin the wonderful person who is pampering me.