Friday, February 1, 2008

Is it ok to be jealous?

I am not a bad person no I don't think so .. So why is it when someone else gets something I want I turn into a two year old laying on the floor kicking my feet ranting no one loves me.. I have been struck hard by the little green monster.. I try not to let it get to me some people are just better than others. But what you they have I don't? Personality.. So I do not have a brown spot on my nose.. So I am not a college graduate or a high school one for that..

I have a brain and I think I am a good person ....I hope I come across as a good person.. I am creative.. I have a good head on my shoulder .. I can take responsiblilty and have follow through I have never caused anyone undo stress .. So what did I do ..

have you ever felt that some place was created for you as a pacfier something to make you feel like a good person yet you are nothing more than a place holder until you are either frustrated or depressed to the point why get out of bed at all?

Well I can't lay in bed wallowing in self pity trust me if I could I would I still get up do my daily jobs but I am starting to wonder if I should just take care of my kids crochet my heart out and forget the rest..

I reached out to the computer world because their are people out there to me I can talk to them with no fear I mean I am afraid to check my mail if a living breathing human is outside .. I attempt to talk to someone and I either turn read and can't speak then head for the restroom to fight with my own fears the rest of the day being ill or find a "excuse" not to have to met anyone..

So I find Jealousy are far thing from me but now I just feel depressed and forgotten and ashamed for feeling it ..

Ok I am done feeling sorry for myself I can rest easy knowing unless someone is really bored reading my blog they will just think I am in need of a nappy change and a nap thanks for listening and feel free to post a comment

1 comment:

Biz said...

Everybody is created for a purpose. Sometimes its hard to see it and sometimes its impossible to see. Sometimes we have to 'mully-grub' our way through a day or two before we realize how important we are to someone. Sometimes we just have to rant and talk to someone. Keep your chin up. You will get through this!